not every time i can’t figure out why it does or doesn’t happen
[ a longer pause, then, before he replies to the rest. ]
i wasn’t supposed to be the guy who got the powers. i was supposed to be the lab rat who didn’t make it, so they could give the perfect version of what i have to the perfect guy.
so i think i think it’s my responsibility to make myself as good i can be, even if i can’t ever be that person thanks for seeing that i’m trying, anyway
It wasn't my choice. It just sort of happened, so I've just sort of made the best of things.
[also fond, understanding -- commiserating, perhaps. koby's had time to adjust to his powers, tries to use them for good, but the fact remains: it's exhausting.]
That sounds terrible. And Scary. It sounds scary.
[reading between the lines makes koby's stomach lurch -- the idea of a lab rat, of someone like bob being a sacrifice in the name of power.]
I don't think most people would think it was their responsibility. I mean A lot of people who get power like that think it means they're allowed to do whatever they want. To anyone they want.
Thank you. I think them fairly often, I just usually write them down somewhere so I can read them when I'm mad.
well, i tried that for like five minutes but it didn't work out so good
[ VOID CITY, BABY. ]
that's a good idea did you go to astarion's movie night? tom hanks says in that one he hates that he always knows the mean thing to say. i think he's probably onto something.
[ as the guy who often says the exact wrong thing to get a rise out of someone. a compromise, maybe, given his interest in koby's uncensored thoughts. ]
Oh. Is that better or worse? I mean, you don't need to answer that, but For me I think it'd be worse.
[the not knowing, the gaps in memory. koby remembers everything, in sterling, stark contrast, technicolor etched into his mind. that's its own sort of torment.]
It's hard to tell when you're joking or when you're just downplaying something in that way you have. Either way, though, for what it's worth, I think you're doing a good job now. Trying, I mean. There are a lot of people here who don't try at all.
I did, yes, I was Lincoln's chaperone until she left to go somewhere with Shadowhen. But that's how it feels. I could say horrible things or make horrible accusations, ones that aren't true but Feel true. But I can't handle the outcome, so I don't. I thought that was what being kind was, but maybe I was wrong. Maybe its just me being a coward again.
They do all right. Some people seem to like that, actually.
[sweeping, snide judgement of everyone who knows full well about the murder and the crash-outs and the asshole behavior and yet: persists. koby counts himself among that, unfortunately.]
When you say it like THAT, Bob, it almost sounds like something I could manage. You'll end up writing a book of your own. "How To Not Be A Total Pushover All The Time". Or something like that. Might need more workshopping.
[ emoji added for his benefit re: identifying this as teasing. he was outed as canoodling and NOT doing hole stuff with the president who sucks, after all. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[ fond. understanding. ]
not every time
i can’t figure out why it does or doesn’t happen
[ a longer pause, then, before he replies to the rest. ]
i wasn’t supposed to be the guy who got the powers. i was supposed to be the lab rat who didn’t make it, so they could give the perfect version of what i have to the perfect guy.
so i think
i think it’s my responsibility to make myself as good i can be, even if i can’t ever be that person
thanks for seeing that i’m trying, anyway
good burn by the way :)
[ bitching IS healthy. ]
no subject
[also fond, understanding -- commiserating, perhaps. koby's had time to adjust to his powers, tries to use them for good, but the fact remains: it's exhausting.]
That sounds terrible. And
Scary. It sounds scary.
[reading between the lines makes koby's stomach lurch -- the idea of a lab rat, of someone like bob being a sacrifice in the name of power.]
I don't think most people would think it was their responsibility. I mean
A lot of people who get power like that think it means they're allowed to do whatever they want.
To anyone they want.
Thank you. I think them fairly often, I just usually write them down somewhere so I can read them when I'm mad.
no subject
[ or he didn't, until the other night. ]
well, i tried that for like five minutes
but it didn't work out so good
[ VOID CITY, BABY. ]
that's a good idea
did you go to astarion's movie night?
tom hanks says in that one he hates that he always knows the mean thing to say. i think he's probably onto something.
[ as the guy who often says the exact wrong thing to get a rise out of someone. a compromise, maybe, given his interest in koby's uncensored thoughts. ]
no subject
I mean, you don't need to answer that, but
For me I think it'd be worse.
[the not knowing, the gaps in memory. koby remembers everything, in sterling, stark contrast, technicolor etched into his mind. that's its own sort of torment.]
It's hard to tell when you're joking or when you're just downplaying something in that way you have.
Either way, though, for what it's worth, I think you're doing a good job now.
Trying, I mean. There are a lot of people here who don't try at all.
I did, yes, I was Lincoln's chaperone until she left to go somewhere with Shadowhen.
But that's how it feels. I could say horrible things or make horrible accusations, ones that aren't true but
Feel true.
But I can't handle the outcome, so I don't.
I thought that was what being kind was, but maybe I was wrong.
Maybe its just me being a coward again.
no subject
i don't think you need to be a dick 24/7
it's pretty obvious that doesn't work
[ for embry, stephen, so on. ]
but i don't think standing up for yourself and your friends, or calling out people's bullshit, is a bad thing either
no subject
They do all right. Some people seem to like that, actually.
[sweeping, snide judgement of everyone who knows full well about the murder and the crash-outs and the asshole behavior and yet: persists. koby counts himself among that, unfortunately.]
When you say it like THAT, Bob, it almost sounds like something I could manage.
You'll end up writing a book of your own. "How To Not Be A Total Pushover All The Time".
Or something like that. Might need more workshopping.
no subject
😊
[ emoji added for his benefit re: identifying this as teasing. he was outed as canoodling and NOT doing hole stuff with the president who sucks, after all. ]
maybe we can figure it out together
🎀
[created a monster here, bobby.]
All right, it's a deal.