[ a sharp inhale, followed by a pause long enough that embry might think he hung up. nonverbal again. ]
Yeah, um, when you get powers that make you dangerous to literally everyone you care about — and somebody you respect tells people you’ve just met about them — how you won’t be able to control them, especially, even when this over. And about how you might’ve beheaded their collective favourite person. Who was really fucking nice to you, when he didn’t have to be, while you’re thinking, yeah, I guess I could have done that and fuck, what if I did that? In between imagining it, obviously, ‘cause you already know what it feels like, when you tear off your friend’s fucking arm or send them flying out a window. Or, y’know, spiralling into their worst nightmares for hours.
[ taking a sudden, shuddering breath. the only thing that could’ve cut off this particular breakdown. ]
— Then maybe you can workshop some answers for me.
[ a dozen needles of guilt at the tremor in bob’s voice. i’m sorry, bobby is on the tip of his tongue, and it nearly makes it past his lips. but an apology isn’t as useful as a way out. ]
You need to accuse me. [ he shifts the pieces to fit in his mind, moving them around like he’s discussing someone else’s life. ] Everyone was quick to point fingers in the first round. I have a military background. I know how to kill. I know how to torture people. I hold grudges, I’m resentful as hell, and I tried to kill Ani all on my own, even if it was during that fucked up memory month. You could easily say I hate Jake Seresin. He decked me in front of everyone at breakfast for what I did to Ani. Publicly, I’ve never respected Ani’s wishes to leave her the fuck alone. As far as delivering Saber’s head? I’ve handled more blown up body parts in my lifetime than I can count. I would love to break into Ani’s place and leave her a gift if it meant she would speak to me. Saber named me after he was accused. It wouldn’t take much to convince people I wanted to shut him up. I mean, look what I did to Danny. What I’ve been doing to him for the last year. And Koby? I was so fucking jealous of him because Ash looked at him during that month we all lost our goddamn minds.
[ he stops, his voice softer now that he’s laid out the truth. it’s ugly in the light, every misdeed, every unsavory thing about him listed one by one. ]
The accusation has to come from you. It will hold more weight because people think that we like each other. [ relief, that they aren’t standing face to face when he says that. ] It doesn’t have to all be true. It just has to be convincing enough to cast some doubt, to point enough eyes at me so they don’t all look at you.
[ it’s not what he expects in response, when surely embry is now too freaked out by him to stick around or too disappointed in his performance, his weakness, to keep talking about this. ]
What the fuck, Embry? I’m not — no. I’m not putting you through that. [ even though he’s thinking about it, when a military background appears to be what’s damning yelena, in the eyes of the crowd. ] No, no, I can’t do that. You’re bringing Ash back, right? What would he say to me? Or Hawk? And Greer? What would Homelander fucking do, when I piss him off again by going after the person who brought him back? Guy seems cracked.
[ tweaking about as much as misty quigley. ]
And I’m — You just told me I’m a fuck up for choking, man. [ rustling on the line, as he wedges his phone between his ear and shoulder to rub his face with both hands. ] I’d make things worse again for you and Ani and everyone else, even if I could get the words out.
Ash will defend me. So will Greer. They’re not — [ deranged like him ] gonna do anything to you, like fight you in public like I would if you went after them. And you really shouldn’t worry about what Homelander thinks about me. I didn’t bring him back because I like him, or because he has a high opinion of me. I brought him back for someone else.
[ for some reason, that rankles — that bob would think that embry would think so poorly of him. ] I didn’t call you a fuck-up. [ citation needed. ] I gave you a suggestion so that you don’t choke again. Your name’s probably gonna get thrown around again. You can name me after. Play up the guilt. You’re upset because your good friend might be a killer. Public speaking isn’t your thing, I get it. If I could accuse myself and have anyone take me seriously, I would. I give great speeches. But I can’t. It has to be you. I’ll transcribe your speech, and you just stand up there and read it. And trust me, you cannot possibly make things worse between me and Ani. She already hates me, so she might even throw her weight behind you.
[ he doesn’t believe he’s the killer any more than bob is. there are holes in his argument, gigantic fucking holes that he knows people will pick up, but he just has to find purchase in enough doubters to split the votes. ]
You wouldn’t be putting me through anything worse than I’ve already been through. Do you know what it’s like to be on a campaign trail and have to prostitute your emotions for votes? The other thing — you should tell everyone that I stabbed Danny. It makes me look worse, which is what you want.
[ firm. maybe the first time he’s been that way, with embry. ]
I don’t think it’s you. I don’t want to put somebody innocent away and let more people die. And I don’t — even if I did think it was you or Yelena, I couldn’t do it. [ he lets that sit, pathetic as the rest of his answers. he doesn’t have the stomach for duplicity. for doing the wrong thing for the right reasons. ] I can’t put you up there with that freak or where you could get strung up like Saber. We can do this for hours, and it’ll still be a no. You could stab me, and it’d still be a no.
[ unsurprising, that bob’s morals won’t let him be saved. that he’s a better man than embry ever could be, unwilling to tell a lie to protect himself. it’s like going up against ash, only bob doesn’t realize he has all the qualities that make a hero of legends. a king. and embry has never once won against that.
i already like you too much. a complicated flutter in his chest. ]
Stabbing you would be like stabbing one of those squeaky dogs that cost a thousand dollars and can’t even do tricks. [ his voice a gentle rumble. ] If it starts looking bad, and you won’t do it for yourself, then do it for Yelena.
[ he is not above manipulation, if yelena is the thing that carries the most weight. ]
[ choked out, because he knows it’s both a manipulation and a gesture of care. he can see how it might play out. embry, in his place. embry, in yelena’s. embry, splitting the vote to protect them both. how can you think you’re a bad person, when you’d do that for me? ]
You’re killing me here. [ groaning. ] We need — we gotta find someone we think did it. If we can’t, if we’re here Sunday, I’ll see what people think. Stephen, maybe. He didn’t — he didn’t want it to be me, either. [ a beat. ] I don’t know. I’m not built for this, man. [ the scheming and plotting on top of the pain and suffering. it’s doing his head in. ] The Yellowjackets. They’re the big numbers with Homelander on Yelena. Anything nonviolent you can do about that, I am way more into than this shit.
Fine. We'll do it your way. But just know that the day is coming when we go with one of my plans, even if I have to tie you up again to agree with me.
[ smh. do you know who he is? ]
Something nonviolent. Got it. I'll ask Ash for help when he's back. You'll have all three of us in your corner — me, him, and Greer. And stop talking like we're not all gonna be here. We will. And Bobby? [ a soft inhale. ] All your friends that you got to look into Ash's death. The ones that don't even know me, or him. Thank you. That meant a lot to me, and I'm not gonna forget it.
[ embry’s stupid joke-flirtation-admonishment skims off the top of the surface tension. it makes his bunched up shoulders relax. okay. bob takes a breath. steadies.
he’d rather work with embry than against him, and having more numbers in his and yelena’s corner — that’s a real, tangible thing he can count on. ]
Right. Got it.
[ biting the instinctive apology for being a downer, well, down since it’s also a bummer. he wants to believe they’ll all be here, too. and bobby — ]
‘Course, Embry. [ every wall back down, every edge sanded soft, as he hushes his answer. ] Hopefully next time we help each other out, it’s not, like, CSI Survivor.
[ but there’s the implicit promise it’ll happen again, in his words. not the hurt, but the helping. just like in the woods, he plans on sticking around. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Yeah, um, when you get powers that make you dangerous to literally everyone you care about — and somebody you respect tells people you’ve just met about them — how you won’t be able to control them, especially, even when this over. And about how you might’ve beheaded their collective favourite person. Who was really fucking nice to you, when he didn’t have to be, while you’re thinking, yeah, I guess I could have done that and fuck, what if I did that? In between imagining it, obviously, ‘cause you already know what it feels like, when you tear off your friend’s fucking arm or send them flying out a window. Or, y’know, spiralling into their worst nightmares for hours.
[ taking a sudden, shuddering breath. the only thing that could’ve cut off this particular breakdown. ]
— Then maybe you can workshop some answers for me.
no subject
You need to accuse me. [ he shifts the pieces to fit in his mind, moving them around like he’s discussing someone else’s life. ] Everyone was quick to point fingers in the first round. I have a military background. I know how to kill. I know how to torture people. I hold grudges, I’m resentful as hell, and I tried to kill Ani all on my own, even if it was during that fucked up memory month. You could easily say I hate Jake Seresin. He decked me in front of everyone at breakfast for what I did to Ani. Publicly, I’ve never respected Ani’s wishes to leave her the fuck alone. As far as delivering Saber’s head? I’ve handled more blown up body parts in my lifetime than I can count. I would love to break into Ani’s place and leave her a gift if it meant she would speak to me. Saber named me after he was accused. It wouldn’t take much to convince people I wanted to shut him up. I mean, look what I did to Danny. What I’ve been doing to him for the last year. And Koby? I was so fucking jealous of him because Ash looked at him during that month we all lost our goddamn minds.
[ he stops, his voice softer now that he’s laid out the truth. it’s ugly in the light, every misdeed, every unsavory thing about him listed one by one. ]
The accusation has to come from you. It will hold more weight because people think that we like each other. [ relief, that they aren’t standing face to face when he says that. ] It doesn’t have to all be true. It just has to be convincing enough to cast some doubt, to point enough eyes at me so they don’t all look at you.
no subject
What the fuck, Embry? I’m not — no. I’m not putting you through that. [ even though he’s thinking about it, when a military background appears to be what’s damning yelena, in the eyes of the crowd. ] No, no, I can’t do that. You’re bringing Ash back, right? What would he say to me? Or Hawk? And Greer? What would Homelander fucking do, when I piss him off again by going after the person who brought him back? Guy seems cracked.
[ tweaking about as much as misty quigley. ]
And I’m — You just told me I’m a fuck up for choking, man. [ rustling on the line, as he wedges his phone between his ear and shoulder to rub his face with both hands. ] I’d make things worse again for you and Ani and everyone else, even if I could get the words out.
no subject
[ for some reason, that rankles — that bob would think that embry would think so poorly of him. ] I didn’t call you a fuck-up. [ citation needed. ] I gave you a suggestion so that you don’t choke again. Your name’s probably gonna get thrown around again. You can name me after. Play up the guilt. You’re upset because your good friend might be a killer. Public speaking isn’t your thing, I get it. If I could accuse myself and have anyone take me seriously, I would. I give great speeches. But I can’t. It has to be you. I’ll transcribe your speech, and you just stand up there and read it. And trust me, you cannot possibly make things worse between me and Ani. She already hates me, so she might even throw her weight behind you.
[ he doesn’t believe he’s the killer any more than bob is. there are holes in his argument, gigantic fucking holes that he knows people will pick up, but he just has to find purchase in enough doubters to split the votes. ]
You wouldn’t be putting me through anything worse than I’ve already been through. Do you know what it’s like to be on a campaign trail and have to prostitute your emotions for votes? The other thing — you should tell everyone that I stabbed Danny. It makes me look worse, which is what you want.
no subject
[ firm. maybe the first time he’s been that way, with embry. ]
I don’t think it’s you. I don’t want to put somebody innocent away and let more people die. And I don’t — even if I did think it was you or Yelena, I couldn’t do it. [ he lets that sit, pathetic as the rest of his answers. he doesn’t have the stomach for duplicity. for doing the wrong thing for the right reasons. ] I can’t put you up there with that freak or where you could get strung up like Saber. We can do this for hours, and it’ll still be a no. You could stab me, and it’d still be a no.
[ quieter. ]
I already like you too much. Sorry.
no subject
i already like you too much. a complicated flutter in his chest. ]
Stabbing you would be like stabbing one of those squeaky dogs that cost a thousand dollars and can’t even do tricks. [ his voice a gentle rumble. ] If it starts looking bad, and you won’t do it for yourself, then do it for Yelena.
[ he is not above manipulation, if yelena is the thing that carries the most weight. ]
no subject
[ choked out, because he knows it’s both a manipulation and a gesture of care. he can see how it might play out. embry, in his place. embry, in yelena’s. embry, splitting the vote to protect them both. how can you think you’re a bad person, when you’d do that for me? ]
You’re killing me here. [ groaning. ] We need — we gotta find someone we think did it. If we can’t, if we’re here Sunday, I’ll see what people think. Stephen, maybe. He didn’t — he didn’t want it to be me, either. [ a beat. ] I don’t know. I’m not built for this, man. [ the scheming and plotting on top of the pain and suffering. it’s doing his head in. ] The Yellowjackets. They’re the big numbers with Homelander on Yelena. Anything nonviolent you can do about that, I am way more into than this shit.
no subject
[ smh. do you know who he is? ]
Something nonviolent. Got it. I'll ask Ash for help when he's back. You'll have all three of us in your corner — me, him, and Greer. And stop talking like we're not all gonna be here. We will. And Bobby? [ a soft inhale. ] All your friends that you got to look into Ash's death. The ones that don't even know me, or him. Thank you. That meant a lot to me, and I'm not gonna forget it.
no subject
he’d rather work with embry than against him, and having more numbers in his and yelena’s corner — that’s a real, tangible thing he can count on. ]
Right. Got it.
[ biting the instinctive apology for being a downer, well, down since it’s also a bummer. he wants to believe they’ll all be here, too. and bobby — ]
‘Course, Embry. [ every wall back down, every edge sanded soft, as he hushes his answer. ] Hopefully next time we help each other out, it’s not, like, CSI Survivor.
[ but there’s the implicit promise it’ll happen again, in his words. not the hurt, but the helping. just like in the woods, he plans on sticking around. ]