I didn't know what he was doing. And honestly? No. If I had known what he had to do, I'd have stopped him. But I didn't, so I could not try. I am sorry for that.
You think I would do that all for myself? No. I would not. But I do deserve your ire for being too hard on your friends. I was rude.
That is not the impression I've formed of you. I'm afraid I've not seen much of anyone's requests. It's been rather difficult to keep up with everything.
I like to think I'd not put him above the needs of the many, but I suppose I can't know that for certain.
As I said, chiefly to apologise. You're a good man, Bob. I'm sorry to have disappointed you.
I do have one more thing to say: I have recently been told that I am on the list of potential hosts as well. I intend to make this public knowledge shortly, and hope to aid in putting all of what we know in one place.
I find myself greatly disturbed by my selection. I had wondered if and how you've dealt with the knowledge yourself.
[ it’s — not nothing, he knows that. the effort required to offer an apology appreciated and understood. but the ritual of harm, apology, repeat is the only one he knows, re-enacted in the void for the minutes that feel like hours that feel like days.
and he hasn’t been disabused of it here, just yet. ]
i’m trying i know you are too
[ that, he doesn’t doubt.
as for the rest — ]
i’m sorry you’re on there
i threw up after michael told me i was a normal guy before what happened to me what people did to me i mean so it’s all still it’s a lot for me to think about it i’m really worried about what it could do if it had my power even armand’s afraid of what i can do, harry
tim’s the only person i asked if i should tell everyone and do the right thing since i was too scared to say anything about myself at the commune until stephen started questioning me
[Bob may never know how much it means to be told that someone recognises that Harry is trying.]
Trying is all we can do.
I admit I nearly did the same. I am undergoing medical treatment that leaves me prone to nausea, but I'm afraid I cannot blame that for the reaction. It was purely anxiety.
By all accounts you would be extremely dangerous. I think, then, that we must protect you at all costs. I do not know who else has been named, and of course I wish to see none of us possessed, but we must endeavour to keep our wits about us and keep the safety of all forefront in our minds. If one of us must be sacrificed, it must not be you.
I understand now why you were hesitant. People fear you, do they not?
[ in ways big and small. his touch itself is a corrosive, invasive thing, excavating hurts from the deepest recesses of one’s mind. of course he had to decline as many requests as he could. or, what — yelena could relive the red room on camera? embry could rattle apart for their viewing pleasure? ]
i don’t think anybody should be sacrificed but i’ve already got a world-ending entity in my head, and it doesn’t like to share
[ that terrible voice in the coffins: i won’t let you die. ]
Dr. House has confirmed that it is likely that I have some cognitive damage from the years of lead poisoning. But if you mean diseases of the mind, I admit I know little of them.
Dear God.
Very well. We must pool all we know before it is too late. I have a feeling some of the library's favourites may put out the call for information, but if in a few days time they have not, we shall do so ourselves.
I know that you think me callous, Bob, but I truly only wish to keep as many people safe as possible.
i don’t think that i just it sucks when you and the people you love are the ones that are expendable that’s the whole reason i have powers at all cause i wasn’t anything to anybody
[ so when he, yelena, and bucky are told they should risk imprisonment and death at the commune for everyone else, it’s fine. when adrian gets murdered by saber outside the game, there are no consequences. it feels unfair, even though logically he knows others have suffered plenty — that they keep suffering — that they have to bend morality and justice to get by in this haunted house — ]
it’s not you or tim’s fault i don’t blame you for the big stuff you’re the smaller thing that tipped me over i guess
[ like when your terrible morning culminates in spilling coffee all over yourself and that’s when the tears start. ]
please don’t go around saying ani’s name michael didn’t do that to us, and i’m gonna i’m gonna try to talk to her tonight
[ much scarier than facing the entity, especially if she already knows. ]
I understand. I do not think anyone expendable, I truly do not. I have spent my life attempting to save the injured, the sick and dying. But I admit that I unfortunately am aware that sometimes we make terrible decisions in our attempts to do the most good.
You are someone. I am sorry you ever felt otherwise.
I understand. God knows I've lashed out in the same way.
I shan't. I think a few people may have put it together already, but she is entitled to her privacy.
You are free to tell her that I am one of the "runners up" if you wish. I will do all I can to protect the people here.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
I didn't know what he was doing. And honestly? No. If I had known what he had to do, I'd have stopped him. But I didn't, so I could not try. I am sorry for that.
You think I would do that all for myself? No. I would not. But I do deserve your ire for being too hard on your friends. I was rude.
[Friends he'd dutifully patched up, of course.]
no subject
that’s kinda my whole thing, if you read the network or you’ve seen any request i’ve gotten all month
[ with the latter focussed on his ingratitude, his fuck-ups, and asking for someone to make him cry over and over again. ]
i think you’d do it for tim
which is the same thing
[ love disguised as selfishness, for how it harms others. ]
so i don’t know what you want from me
[ except he has an idea. just say it’s fine, bobby. and then shut up. everyone’s wanted that from him since the games. ]
no subject
I'm afraid I've not seen much of anyone's requests. It's been rather difficult to keep up with everything.
I like to think I'd not put him above the needs of the many, but I suppose I can't know that for certain.
As I said, chiefly to apologise. You're a good man, Bob. I'm sorry to have disappointed you.
I do have one more thing to say: I have recently been told that I am on the list of potential hosts as well. I intend to make this public knowledge shortly, and hope to aid in putting all of what we know in one place.
I find myself greatly disturbed by my selection. I had wondered if and how you've dealt with the knowledge yourself.
cw refs to domestic abuse, emeto
thanks harry
[ it’s — not nothing, he knows that. the effort required to offer an apology appreciated and understood. but the ritual of harm, apology, repeat is the only one he knows, re-enacted in the void for the minutes that feel like hours that feel like days.
and he hasn’t been disabused of it here, just yet. ]
i’m trying
i know you are too
[ that, he doesn’t doubt.
as for the rest — ]
i’m sorry you’re on there
i threw up after michael told me
i was a normal guy before what happened to me
what people did to me i mean
so it’s all still
it’s a lot for me to think about it
i’m really worried about what it could do if it had my power
even armand’s afraid of what i can do, harry
tim’s the only person i asked if i should tell everyone and do the right thing
since i was too scared to say anything about myself at the commune until stephen started questioning me
[ — which might also be why he’s pissed at tim. ]
no subject
Trying is all we can do.
I admit I nearly did the same. I am undergoing medical treatment that leaves me prone to nausea, but I'm afraid I cannot blame that for the reaction. It was purely anxiety.
By all accounts you would be extremely dangerous. I think, then, that we must protect you at all costs. I do not know who else has been named, and of course I wish to see none of us possessed, but we must endeavour to keep our wits about us and keep the safety of all forefront in our minds. If one of us must be sacrificed, it must not be you.
I understand now why you were hesitant. People fear you, do they not?
1/2
they do
[ in ways big and small. his touch itself is a corrosive, invasive thing, excavating hurts from the deepest recesses of one’s mind. of course he had to decline as many requests as he could. or, what — yelena could relive the red room on camera? embry could rattle apart for their viewing pleasure? ]
i don’t think anybody should be sacrificed
but
i’ve already got a world-ending entity in my head, and it doesn’t like to share
[ that terrible voice in the coffins: i won’t let you die. ]
so maybe it’s not a sacrifice
it’s a trap
no subject
it already selected someone who isn’t on the backup list
it doesn’t have them yet, but they’re in the most danger
[ a five letter name, on october 25th. the day anora killed its last host. anora, anora, anora. ]
no subject
You are correct. I am deeply concerned for Miss Mikheeva - her full name is Anora, is it not?
no subject
[ lmao. ]
anora yeah i
i thought that
[ but he was hoping he was as stupid as people once thought — ]
there are wolves like
heeled in front of her in the piece in silco’s secret book
everybody else is fighting or running from them
no subject
Dear God.
Very well. We must pool all we know before it is too late. I have a feeling some of the library's favourites may put out the call for information, but if in a few days time they have not, we shall do so ourselves.
I know that you think me callous, Bob, but I truly only wish to keep as many people safe as possible.
no subject
it sucks when you and the people you love are the ones that are expendable
that’s the whole reason i have powers at all
cause i wasn’t anything to anybody
[ so when he, yelena, and bucky are told they should risk imprisonment and death at the commune for everyone else, it’s fine. when adrian gets murdered by saber outside the game, there are no consequences. it feels unfair, even though logically he knows others have suffered plenty — that they keep suffering — that they have to bend morality and justice to get by in this haunted house — ]
it’s not you or tim’s fault
i don’t blame you for the big stuff
you’re the smaller thing that tipped me over i guess
[ like when your terrible morning culminates in spilling coffee all over yourself and that’s when the tears start. ]
please don’t go around saying ani’s name
michael didn’t do that to us, and i’m gonna
i’m gonna try to talk to her tonight
[ much scarier than facing the entity, especially if she already knows. ]
no subject
You are someone. I am sorry you ever felt otherwise.
I understand. God knows I've lashed out in the same way.
I shan't. I think a few people may have put it together already, but she is entitled to her privacy.
You are free to tell her that I am one of the "runners up" if you wish. I will do all I can to protect the people here.