he’d say no anyway you’re the only one who’d say yes
[ sorry you told him to get addicted to drugs again, so. ]
no it’s worse because people think being on top means you have a choice you still don’t plenty of people could hurt me i’m sure i’ve hurt people by saying yes to requests already
Thanks for the reminder, asshole. I don't want him to starve, either. I don't want him to be in a position where anything fucked up could happen to him. So I need him in gold. End of fucking story.
Everyone knows you've never meant to hurt anyone. So none of that matters. Who else have you said yes to?
I know where Hawk fucking is. Fuck. I'll find a way to get to him, too.
[ the answer should be no. and yet it's a resounding yes, he does want to know who bob has performed for. who's touched him. who's fucked him. for perfectly normal, just looking out for you bro reasons. ]
so let’s get everyone out of bronze first, you and hawk included
[ a long pause in which he considers whether he wants to share this information, and whether the people involved would mind if he did.
it’s all recorded, anyway. and if he and embry are — something — anything, it’s not an unfair question, even if he thinks it isn’t one embry will like. ]
okay yelena and bucky corry ani
[ hold for whatever the hell is about to happen. ]
[ ani. of course. he's seen ash and ani on the feeds too, he just hasn't brought it up in a great show of self-restraint. oddly, he's thought extensively of what it might feel like to be with her when neither of them want to — or at least one of them doesn't. if it would feel like the month that he loved her so much he wanted her body in the ground underneath his house. ]
[ pointing loudly at evidence of bob being a little shit. ]
I will when I need to jerk off tonight. And since you're not shitting sunshine anymore, that means your body's different. Send me a picture of you. I want to see who's left marks on you.
[ cycling through the many instances of jealousy in an attempt to figure out which one bob might be referring to. in any case, he's almost positive he's still correct. ]
Do you not want to show me because you're embarrassed? Who left marks on you? Corry? Ani?
and yet, embry receives a picture of his bare chest, visible down to the cut of his waist, pale skin bearing a not insignificant amount of bite-bruises. ]
[ no need to answer those first few questions because, well, they’re fucked up. that’s the long and short of it. it’s a stiff contest as to whether the commune or the pound — or the pool sleepwalking incident — or the boxing day near-cataclysm are more fucked up, so. ]
[ a long, long pause, wherein he considers the right answer to this. which would be to not fucking do this at all. there's no payout for it, no way it helps anyone. bob has already gotten himself demoted and slapped by the house. his stubborn fucking attitude to say no to everything grates against embry's steely determination to say yes and pretend like he has a choice in doing so.
he wavers, his throat tightening when he realizes he has a choice in this. that's it's the only real choice he's had all month. the only thing he can say he walked into willingly. ]
Meet me in the study. Now. I'm not going easy on you.
Choose a safe word. In case you can't snap your fingers.
[ he wonders if embry has thought about what it means for bob to say yes — to touch a stranger and see their first heartbreak, the betrayal that lives in their skin, the agony that they’ve buried deep. live on camera, reality tv at its finest.
he doesn’t want to bring it up, when embry might not be thinking of his own hurt at bob’s hands for the first time in weeks. ]
okay
[ mind already reeling, electricity sparking down his spine. if he can’t snap, if embry binds his hands again and gifts him goodpain in place of the bad — ]
sentry
[ value neutral this time, when embry hated his last pick. ]
[ sentry. embry doesn't know which of bob's personalities is worse. the quick answer — the void. endless haunted rooms, endless pain, the danger of never finding his way back to the light. the not so quick answer is that the sentry might scare him even more, when he can't tell if he's looking at bob or someone else. when one or the other or both are capable of cutting him open with the truth. ]
No. Not that. Use the other one.
[ sunset, the quiet fantasy that sits unspoken between them. he's still processing that bob wants this at all. it's not like the commune, where embry was bound by the same rules, the same set of urges that kept bob on his knees. there's nothing calculated about this, no thought or plan beyond a desire to possess something. to seize control. a desperate grab at righting his equilibrium when every day, every moment has been a loop of opening his eyes to abilene's naked body and the slow realization of what she'd taken from him. should i kneel? saying yes would mean embry has thought about what would happen after. ]
You're going to kneel whether you want to or not. Last chance to back out. If you show up, you're mine.
Edited (forgotted my problematic cws) 2026-02-26 00:53 (UTC)
[ the one that always makes him think of embry now. that he thought embry hated. ]
late on the warning there, embry
[ intentionally ambiguous, already on his way to the study, already embry’s at least in part since the commune —
for want of specific instruction, bob perches on the desk while he waits , slouchy as ever in his hoodie, long legs stretched so his heels touch the floor. he wraps the toggles of the hood around a fingertip and releases it, not quite nervous. unsure what to expect with embry in general and this month in particular. wanting whatever pieces of him he’s allowed, anyway. ]
[ he almost doesn't come. it's a pattern now, with bob — he thinks about if he should really be doing this, the answer comes out to be a glaringly obvious no, and then he swears to himself that he's going to be a better man this time. he knows better than anyone that these games of make-believe always bleed into reality. that they've been real to him from the start.
but he's not a better man. he's not a man that anyone would be proud to know, especially not now, with all the things he's done to get through this month. the things he still wants to do — specifically to bob, to feed the awful, churning dark inside of him.
he finds bob sitting on the desk, his wide eyes rising to meet embry when he walks in. sitting there, just waiting, like any of this is purposeful. waiting like an offering, a sacrificial lamb. so fucking pretty. embry isn't religious, but his partners are, and so the passover lamb comes to mind, without blemish, a male a year old. two weeks, and then you kill your lamb in the evening.
it occurs to him that he's never, ever done this the right way. not the way ash was taught at lyonesse by mark, with embry absorbing information only in how he thrilled at being ash's practice toy. there are certain things he should know about bob before diving in. things bob may not have ever thought about or even know himself. he comes close, forcing bob to scoot back onto the table when he pushes his legs open and crowds into his space. ]
I can hurt you now. What are your limits? [ such a vast question. if embry was presented with it, he doesn't know how he would respond. more than likely, he would say nothing. literally, nothing. nothing too painful or depraved for a man who needs something mythological and unholy to feel a moment of peace. his hand trails along the nape of bob's neck, caressing softly. all his pent-up aggression burns to the surface, a mad grasp for control. ] Tell me your safe word.
[ his fingers slide into the dark tousle of his hair, fisting a handful, and then he's pulling with sharp intention, hard enough to straighten bob's spine and have him squirming to stay at the right height. he keeps bob's face tilted toward his, watching him, heat flooding him at the sight of him struggling. no sentry, no void, no power beyond the hard muscle quivering beneath his clothes. ]
[ he wonders, sometimes, if embry knows how this is supposed to go. less on a technical level and more in the sense of, like, if you don’t care about what happens to yourself, if there’s no line for you — it gets harder to see where that is for other people. it makes you careless. it takes you down terrible, winding paths with no end, whatever foul thing embry cultivates with danny (as if it ought to be nurtured, not cut out at the root) is a symptom of it. and maybe bob benefits from it, too, when embry can’t want him for any good reason. maybe bob reflects it, when he risks himself just as easily, as carelessly. when they’re together, bob suspects that embry half-hopes for the agony of the void or command of the sentry (before they become tangible threats, bob did, too).
— except that’s not an option tonight. except nobody’s tuning in from the start or paying out at the finish. the only reason to do this is old-fashioned desire, without prompt or audience to encourage it.
bob doesn’t know what to do with that. i can hurt you now drags a gulp from his throat, adam’s apple bobbing. couldn’t he always? hasn’t he? a wound that flows both ways. bob figures he got under embry’s skin just the same without his powers as with them.
when embry pushes between his thighs, nudging him back enough that his shoes no longer rest on solid ground (that bob’s hips tilt up and his head tips back to hold embry’s attention). breath already caught with embry’s hand on his nape, pupils dilating (a blue that’s almost black, no liquid gold to poison the well). he keeps looking apart from the rapid blinks, permanently startled, recalculating the parameters of their intimacy — experiencing everything in real time, not the slowed-down perception that comes with his power. ]
The other one. [ pushing back, just a touch. ] Sunset. [ quicker to mind than any sort of limit, even though he’s untangled some with corry in recent months. embry is — different. high risk, high reward. he presses his tongue against the roof of his mouth, the back of his teeth. ] Nothing to the face. [ even a light slap could draw him back to the house in the suburbs. the dark door with the chipped paint. ] I can take anything else.
[ a burst of static electricity where embry touches him, arcing down the heightened bend of his spine. one hand skids over the hard wood, nails scraping the surfaces where they might have clawed or broken it mere days earlier. unbalanced, when he hasn’t been in months, when he shouldn’t be, dizzy from the strangeness of it.
he lifts the baggy fabric of his hoodie with his other hand, exposing different impressions than yelena and ani’s bite-kisses. the kind only strong hands make at your hip when a grip turns bruising, the action lasting or repetitive enough to leave a mark. and bob, who so often looks away or at least slightly to the left, finds his focus locked on embry’s face, tracking the way his eyes shift in the light. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
i’ll tell him what you’re trying to do if he hasn’t figured it out already
don’t be an idiot
[ ... ]
yeah
yeah i guess so
kinda felt that way even before this
no subject
Just with all your power gone.
It's not like how it was at the commune otherwise.
We're still ourselves. No one's going to hurt you like that.
[ prime guilty subject: him. ]
no subject
you’re the only one who’d say yes
[ sorry you told him to get addicted to drugs again, so. ]
no it’s worse
because people think being on top means you have a choice
you still don’t
plenty of people could hurt me
i’m sure i’ve hurt people by saying yes to requests already
[ like you. ]
no subject
I don't want him to starve, either. I don't want him to be in a position where anything fucked up could happen to him.
So I need him in gold. End of fucking story.
Everyone knows you've never meant to hurt anyone. So none of that matters.
Who else have you said yes to?
no subject
there are other people you care about in bronze too
like hawk
[ do you hate your other man?? ]
a couple of the benefactors who had easy ones
[ jizz on my panties, etc. ]
some guests
do you actually want to know?
no subject
I'll find a way to get to him, too.
[ the answer should be no. and yet it's a resounding yes, he does want to know who bob has performed for. who's touched him. who's fucked him. for perfectly normal, just looking out for you bro reasons. ]
Yeah
no subject
[ a long pause in which he considers whether he wants to share this information, and whether the people involved would mind if he did.
it’s all recorded, anyway. and if he and embry are — something — anything, it’s not an unfair question, even if he thinks it isn’t one embry will like. ]
okay
yelena and bucky
corry
ani
[ hold for whatever the hell is about to happen. ]
cw mentions of violence/murder ?? it's love baby
[ ani. of course. he's seen ash and ani on the feeds too, he just hasn't brought it up in a great show of self-restraint. oddly, he's thought extensively of what it might feel like to be with her when neither of them want to — or at least one of them doesn't. if it would feel like the month that he loved her so much he wanted her body in the ground underneath his house. ]
Corry is a fucking asshole.
no subject
so are you
and he’s not an asshole to me
no subject
Does making me jealous get you off?
no subject
no
other people get me off
you can roll the tape
no subject
I will when I need to jerk off tonight.
And since you're not shitting sunshine anymore, that means your body's different. Send me a picture of you. I want to see who's left marks on you.
no subject
you already have jerk off material
[ actually bob will beg for death if embry watches any of that. ]
last time i showed you, you got jealous of your own reflection
[ like a dog. ]
no subject
[ cycling through the many instances of jealousy in an attempt to figure out which one bob might be referring to. in any case, he's almost positive he's still correct. ]
Do you not want to show me because you're embarrassed?
Who left marks on you? Corry? Ani?
no subject
[ he’s VERY embarrassed, thanks.
and yet, embry receives a picture of his bare chest, visible down to the cut of his waist, pale skin bearing a not insignificant amount of bite-bruises. ]
that enough?
or do you wanna see them all?
no subject
I want to see them all.
[ a pause. ]
No. I want to put them there.
Like the last time. When you came to me.
I want to see myself all over you.
[ another pause. ]
Never mind. I'm still pissed at you.
I don't want to hurt you. Just
Go away.
no subject
no
i want you all over me
want you to touch me because you want to
and you do want to
just like you want to hurt me, and i want you to
it helps
[ it helped back then, when he kept fucking up, just like this. ]
don’t make me ask somebody else
no subject
Jesus Christ, stop talking. It helps? The most fucked up thing I ever did to you helps?
[ only — hadn't he meant it to? hadn't it been the whole point to show bob he could rewrite pain to be something luminous and bright, like the sun?
he drags his hand down his face at the threat, knowing he's lost. knowing he never even had a chance of winning whatever fight he decided to pick. ]
I don't want you to ask anyone else.
I want it to be me. I want
Fuck, you have no idea the things I want to do to you.
no subject
so show me
you don’t have to be careful for once
[ with the void on lockdown. ]
no subject
he wavers, his throat tightening when he realizes he has a choice in this. that's it's the only real choice he's had all month. the only thing he can say he walked into willingly. ]
Meet me in the study. Now.
I'm not going easy on you.
Choose a safe word. In case you can't snap your fingers.
no subject
he doesn’t want to bring it up, when embry might not be thinking of his own hurt at bob’s hands for the first time in weeks. ]
okay
[ mind already reeling, electricity sparking down his spine. if he can’t snap, if embry binds his hands again and gifts him goodpain in place of the bad — ]
sentry
[ value neutral this time, when embry hated his last pick. ]
should i kneel?
[ everything started that way at the commune. ]
cw refs to assault etc
No. Not that.
Use the other one.
[ sunset, the quiet fantasy that sits unspoken between them. he's still processing that bob wants this at all. it's not like the commune, where embry was bound by the same rules, the same set of urges that kept bob on his knees. there's nothing calculated about this, no thought or plan beyond a desire to possess something. to seize control. a desperate grab at righting his equilibrium when every day, every moment has been a loop of opening his eyes to abilene's naked body and the slow realization of what she'd taken from him. should i kneel? saying yes would mean embry has thought about what would happen after. ]
You're going to kneel whether you want to or not.
Last chance to back out. If you show up, you're mine.
no subject
okay
the other one
[ the one that always makes him think of embry now. that he thought embry hated. ]
late on the warning there, embry
[ intentionally ambiguous, already on his way to the study, already embry’s at least in part since the commune —
for want of specific instruction, bob perches on the desk while he waits , slouchy as ever in his hoodie, long legs stretched so his heels touch the floor. he wraps the toggles of the hood around a fingertip and releases it, not quite nervous. unsure what to expect with embry in general and this month in particular. wanting whatever pieces of him he’s allowed, anyway. ]
no subject
but he's not a better man. he's not a man that anyone would be proud to know, especially not now, with all the things he's done to get through this month. the things he still wants to do — specifically to bob, to feed the awful, churning dark inside of him.
he finds bob sitting on the desk, his wide eyes rising to meet embry when he walks in. sitting there, just waiting, like any of this is purposeful. waiting like an offering, a sacrificial lamb. so fucking pretty. embry isn't religious, but his partners are, and so the passover lamb comes to mind, without blemish, a male a year old. two weeks, and then you kill your lamb in the evening.
it occurs to him that he's never, ever done this the right way. not the way ash was taught at lyonesse by mark, with embry absorbing information only in how he thrilled at being ash's practice toy. there are certain things he should know about bob before diving in. things bob may not have ever thought about or even know himself. he comes close, forcing bob to scoot back onto the table when he pushes his legs open and crowds into his space. ]
I can hurt you now. What are your limits? [ such a vast question. if embry was presented with it, he doesn't know how he would respond. more than likely, he would say nothing. literally, nothing. nothing too painful or depraved for a man who needs something mythological and unholy to feel a moment of peace. his hand trails along the nape of bob's neck, caressing softly. all his pent-up aggression burns to the surface, a mad grasp for control. ] Tell me your safe word.
[ his fingers slide into the dark tousle of his hair, fisting a handful, and then he's pulling with sharp intention, hard enough to straighten bob's spine and have him squirming to stay at the right height. he keeps bob's face tilted toward his, watching him, heat flooding him at the sight of him struggling. no sentry, no void, no power beyond the hard muscle quivering beneath his clothes. ]
Show me the bruises.
no subject
— except that’s not an option tonight. except nobody’s tuning in from the start or paying out at the finish. the only reason to do this is old-fashioned desire, without prompt or audience to encourage it.
bob doesn’t know what to do with that. i can hurt you now drags a gulp from his throat, adam’s apple bobbing. couldn’t he always? hasn’t he? a wound that flows both ways. bob figures he got under embry’s skin just the same without his powers as with them.
when embry pushes between his thighs, nudging him back enough that his shoes no longer rest on solid ground (that bob’s hips tilt up and his head tips back to hold embry’s attention). breath already caught with embry’s hand on his nape, pupils dilating (a blue that’s almost black, no liquid gold to poison the well). he keeps looking apart from the rapid blinks, permanently startled, recalculating the parameters of their intimacy — experiencing everything in real time, not the slowed-down perception that comes with his power. ]
The other one. [ pushing back, just a touch. ] Sunset. [ quicker to mind than any sort of limit, even though he’s untangled some with corry in recent months. embry is — different. high risk, high reward. he presses his tongue against the roof of his mouth, the back of his teeth. ] Nothing to the face. [ even a light slap could draw him back to the house in the suburbs. the dark door with the chipped paint. ] I can take anything else.
[ a burst of static electricity where embry touches him, arcing down the heightened bend of his spine. one hand skids over the hard wood, nails scraping the surfaces where they might have clawed or broken it mere days earlier. unbalanced, when he hasn’t been in months, when he shouldn’t be, dizzy from the strangeness of it.
he lifts the baggy fabric of his hoodie with his other hand, exposing different impressions than yelena and ani’s bite-kisses. the kind only strong hands make at your hip when a grip turns bruising, the action lasting or repetitive enough to leave a mark. and bob, who so often looks away or at least slightly to the left, finds his focus locked on embry’s face, tracking the way his eyes shift in the light. ]
(no subject)
(no subject)