How bad are we talking? "Leveled a wing" bad, or..."stuck in your head, spiraling" bad?
Where are you now? Is Embry still with you?
I'm asking because I want to make sure you're alright. Whatever happened - it's done now, and I need to know you're safe first, okay? Everything else can wait.
You're safe - and you kept it together, despite everything. Lights can be replaced - Giles always loves something to do, yeah? And...even if something did happen, we'd all come back anyway. It might not be pleasant, but it's the truth. I wouldn't hold it against you, and plenty of others wouldn't either.
[does hawk have faith armand can handle bob at his worst, whatever that means? from a strength perspective - sure. from a trust perspective around preservation...50/50. he's going to choose to believe in the side of armand that had him wrapped around his finger instead, the one that just wants to be needed.]
Armand is more than capable. Maybe the best one here to help with that part. I'm glad you have each other. You still got me, too.
[and now the bad. christ.]
I've got a good guess, but - what did Embry do that didn't help?
[ maybe it’s even true, and hawk would be like yelena and bucky, after seeing the danger first-hand. maybe it’s not, and he’d be like embry, running at the first sign of trouble.
(with this, hawk becomes the second person to say armand has the strength, the capacity, when bob knows better — they stopped it together, but only just. because he was still awake. because they caught it early, before the door rattled open. because armand was willing to bleed for it.
and if it had got everyone, they might come back, but they wouldn’t be the same. time dilates, in the other world. minutes into hours. hours into weeks. endless torture, designed to ruin, with no escape. would you still think that if i made you relive every bad thing that ever happened to you? embry will swiftly prove that the answer is, of course, no.) ]
you know how embry is. i uh don’t think he meant to hurt me. well, he said he did but i think he’s just careless sometimes? and he says things he doesn’t mean
[ which is fine enough — or not fine, really — for someone whose brain isn’t actively canvassing for new ways to wound itself. ]
we call the bad side the void he asked for it, whether he really meant to or not and i think i think it heard him
[ the way it hears anybody in pain, when they touch him, but heightened. an open invitation. ]
sorry i know that sounds like the fucking exorcist actually you probably don’t understand that reference like a horror movie
[ making bob both a danger to society and an unlovable freak. it doesn’t surprise him that embry hasn’t come to see him after that — that he outsourced finding out if he was all right, in the first place. the only question in his mind now is whether embry will bother to tell the truth, when he leaves for good. ]
The thing about Embry is: he says things to make people hate him so he can hurt himself. Things he doesn't always mean, yeah. But it doesn't work when you see behind the curtain and get that part of it.
Doesn't surprise me he'd want to linger in something that would show him the worst part of himself. But he shouldn't have done that to you, you understand? That was fucked up, even if he wasn't trying to hurt you. But it did anyway - because it drags you in, is that it? Still wrapping my head around all of the logistics here, sweetheart.
[no, he does not understand that reference, even if he knows what an exorcism is.]
If you could - would you want to get rid of it? The void, I mean.
Don't laugh at the cliché, but I read something once you might like. That all the good, light parts of someone can only exist if they've got the dark ones too. Except some of us are darker than others, like me and Embry.
I think we're the ones who need the exorcist, not you, Bobby.
[ doesn’t surprise me he'd want to linger in something that would show him the worst part of himself. it doesn’t surprise bob, either, when he accused embry of it while everything else was happening. a desire to be hurt that supersedes any wish to protect his loved ones.
one that bob has enabled before and shouldn’t have. a cruel precedent. ]
yeah it can’t reach anybody without me i’m like a conduit for electricity and the generator too the cia notes said i’m like a nuclear reactor
[ and before chernobyl, there was the nrx meltdown in 52. a delicate ecosystem. a nearly catastrophic failure, all because of simple, human error that wouldn’t have mattered, in any other environment.
it took 108 seconds for the accident to occur. every two seconds the reactor was online, the power level doubled. bob, in many ways, is just as vulnerable (or volatile). that armand found him in the window between acceleration and catastrophe is nothing short of miraculous. ]
i don’t think it’s cliché. i’ve uh been reading a lot of books about the same thing to try to understand it better it just it scares the shit outta me, so i put off doing anything more about it. i know that was selfish and stupid now, i know, but i’m still fucking scared so yeah i’d get rid of it, because then i wouldn’t hurt anybody again
anyway i don’t think you guys are any worse than the people on my team who were like, assassins and black ops contractors and stuff you probably just did a lot of insider trading
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no subject
don’t be mad at him
i uh
my powers have the good and the bad, right
[ good side, bad side. good days, bad days. ]
the bad almost got out last night
when i was with embry
1/2
no subject
How bad are we talking? "Leveled a wing" bad, or..."stuck in your head, spiraling" bad?
Where are you now? Is Embry still with you?
I'm asking because I want to make sure you're alright. Whatever happened - it's done now, and I need to know you're safe first, okay? Everything else can wait.
no subject
it was almost really bad, hawk, for me and embry and everyone here
almost levelled a wing
took out every light on embry’s floor
but i left when it started happening
embry uh
he wasn’t really helping
and i didn’t want him to get hurt so i tried to get as far away as i could
ended up being not that far
but armand came to get me and used his powers to get it under control so i’m with him now
no subject
Alright, well let's start with the good.
You're safe - and you kept it together, despite everything. Lights can be replaced - Giles always loves something to do, yeah? And...even if something did happen, we'd all come back anyway. It might not be pleasant, but it's the truth. I wouldn't hold it against you, and plenty of others wouldn't either.
[does hawk have faith armand can handle bob at his worst, whatever that means? from a strength perspective - sure. from a trust perspective around preservation...50/50. he's going to choose to believe in the side of armand that had him wrapped around his finger instead, the one that just wants to be needed.]
Armand is more than capable. Maybe the best one here to help with that part. I'm glad you have each other. You still got me, too.
[and now the bad. christ.]
I've got a good guess, but - what did Embry do that didn't help?
no subject
that means a lot to me
[ maybe it’s even true, and hawk would be like yelena and bucky, after seeing the danger first-hand. maybe it’s not, and he’d be like embry, running at the first sign of trouble.
(with this, hawk becomes the second person to say armand has the strength, the capacity, when bob knows better — they stopped it together, but only just. because he was still awake. because they caught it early, before the door rattled open. because armand was willing to bleed for it.
and if it had got everyone, they might come back, but they wouldn’t be the same. time dilates, in the other world. minutes into hours. hours into weeks. endless torture, designed to ruin, with no escape. would you still think that if i made you relive every bad thing that ever happened to you? embry will swiftly prove that the answer is, of course, no.) ]
you know how embry is. i uh don’t think he meant to hurt me. well, he said he did but i think he’s just careless sometimes?
and he says things he doesn’t mean
[ which is fine enough — or not fine, really — for someone whose brain isn’t actively canvassing for new ways to wound itself. ]
we call the bad side the void
he asked for it, whether he really meant to or not
and i think
i think it heard him
[ the way it hears anybody in pain, when they touch him, but heightened. an open invitation. ]
sorry i know that sounds like the fucking exorcist
actually you probably don’t understand that reference
like a horror movie
[ making bob both a danger to society and an unlovable freak. it doesn’t surprise him that embry hasn’t come to see him after that — that he outsourced finding out if he was all right, in the first place. the only question in his mind now is whether embry will bother to tell the truth, when he leaves for good. ]
no subject
Doesn't surprise me he'd want to linger in something that would show him the worst part of himself. But he shouldn't have done that to you, you understand? That was fucked up, even if he wasn't trying to hurt you. But it did anyway - because it drags you in, is that it? Still wrapping my head around all of the logistics here, sweetheart.
[no, he does not understand that reference, even if he knows what an exorcism is.]
If you could - would you want to get rid of it? The void, I mean.
Don't laugh at the cliché, but I read something once you might like. That all the good, light parts of someone can only exist if they've got the dark ones too. Except some of us are darker than others, like me and Embry.
I think we're the ones who need the exorcist, not you, Bobby.
no subject
one that bob has enabled before and shouldn’t have. a cruel precedent. ]
yeah
it can’t reach anybody without me
i’m like
a conduit for electricity
and the generator too
the cia notes said i’m like a nuclear reactor
[ and before chernobyl, there was the nrx meltdown in 52. a delicate ecosystem. a nearly catastrophic failure, all because of simple, human error that wouldn’t have mattered, in any other environment.
it took 108 seconds for the accident to occur. every two seconds the reactor was online, the power level doubled. bob, in many ways, is just as vulnerable (or volatile). that armand found him in the window between acceleration and catastrophe is nothing short of miraculous. ]
i don’t think it’s cliché. i’ve uh been reading a lot of books about the same thing to try to understand it better
it just
it scares the shit outta me, so i put off doing anything more about it. i know that was selfish and stupid now, i know, but i’m still fucking scared
so yeah i’d get rid of it, because then i wouldn’t hurt anybody again
anyway i don’t think you guys are any worse than the people on my team who were like, assassins and black ops contractors and stuff
you probably just did a lot of insider trading
[ politicians, am i right. ]