[ except he’s sure embry would rather cry and throw up again than tell someone they’re — whatever they are. ]
not really no seems pretty obvious she’s in another league and that all three of you are fucking bucky now so
[ that’s a lot, and he’s not sure what to make of it outside of, generally speaking, being happy whatever wound bucky had from his time with ash (and cap) has closed. ]
didn't have to figured it was why you made the cut for the groupchat
[ seeing as usually in the matter of embry, bucky gets the same mildly irritated look he does about walker. like, some guys are just designed in labs to annoy him. ]
kinda seems like you're way more interested in my "conquests" anyway which i regret typing already man that's gross
[ very casually asking: are the nights still as bad as that one? did you only think about needing me or do you not need me at all?
other people. he resists the urge to respond with who? ]
You can say that if it's true. Or even if it's not true. I still like to hear it. Good. I liked watching you sleep. Even if you mumbled my name 20 times and made it super weird.
okay one good night gets me through a couple not so good ones y’know
[ sleep debt and stuff, except he’s taking out loans. or advances, maybe. clocking a full 10 with embry and managing scant hours in the subsequent days. letting bucky stay over, a white wolf curled in his bed. and leveraging that to waste twilight rethinking and overthinking. had to go and pick a fight with the old avengers. still not brave enough to let armand peel back the shadowy scar tissue of your memory and set yourself right, for everyone’s sakes. unable to see through a kiss requested and owed, on account of thinking it might be unwanted in the light of day.
round and round and round, we go. ]
okay 20 is crazy i’ll give you four you were talking of course i was thinking about you like i was thinking about you the last time true
I think I know. I used to hate the parts of night that were quiet. I was obviously busy getting my hands on other like-minded individuals, but when I wasn't... when everything wore off, those were the parts I hated.
[ the time where he'd pick apart every bad decision, absolutely no fucking shortage of them. when his demons dropped in for their nightly chat.
but that was years ago. he is, obviously, better now. ]
You were dreaming about me? [ a flurry of typing for a good minute, which only yields an obnoxious string of the kissing emoji. ] I was sure you'd be dreaming about Hamlet bitching about his dead father.
[ easy enough to leave it at that, but he hesitates. lingers on the thought — or perhaps the memory of his empty bed night after night, abilene in the next room, ash and greer a world away from the sting of his betrayal. ]
What did they look like? Your typical nights. Before you volunteered for your thing. And then after.
[ oh. a warmth he doesn't deserve. embry doesn't make things nicer. he makes them worse, by virtue of existing. ]
It was nice for me too. You should ask me again. If you want.
[ because bob doesn't really make first moves, unless embry tells him to, and then it doesn't count anymore. (not always true, because bob came to find him in the woods, and that was arguably a bigger move than anything embry has ever done for him.) ]
[ bob doesn’t really make moves, full stop. a passive creature. you learn to keep to yourself when yourself is the problem. never sure whether speaking up or staying quiet will be the thing that fucks you on a given day. ]
i want to i think about asking you a lot which isn’t the same as asking, i know
[ isn’t good enough, when he’s the one who asked embry to see him in the daylight. that would be safer, surely, in accordance with the rules of nightmares. the darkness recedes then, even if it never vanishes. ]
but i also don’t know what i’m asking for
[ he liked embry just being there. he liked what they did at the commune. he liked having somebody to call, and say i fucked up again to, who could probably say well, i fucked up more right back.
embry’s life here has the potential to be perfect, though, away from the death of the games and loss lurking back home.
that perfect version doesn’t have room for somebody like bob. the last time he tried to help embry, he only made things worse. (except embry had been up then and is up now, has been sleepwalking into danger and staring at photos of his own corpse, so he seems as fucked up about everything as bob is, when everyone else keeps telling him get over it, all while he’s bleeding out —) ]
before my thing? i was back on morphine so different vibe
[ that makes him smile, unexpected. the thought of bob thinking of him and doing nothing about it is so — understandable. didn't he spend the first three years of knowing ash doing exactly that? that, and rubbing his dick raw over it. ]
It's not the same, but I also like when you think about me. You don't have to do anything, Bobby. What you're doing is enough. Well, I do have a list of things that you shouldn't do, but you haven't hit any of them yet.
[ because he also doesn't know what he's asking for, what he wants, what any of this is. he only knows that he'll feel its loss when he loses it. when bob sees him for what he really is. some people have already caught on. ani. jem. danny fucking johnson. someone like bob doesn't deserve to be a casualty in the catastrophe he's made of his life — not like he's made ash. ]
Why morphine?
[ it feels invasive to ask, when he knows people don't get hooked on morphine for much other than pain. an easy vice to find in the military, when corpses have no use for the auto-injectors in the first aid kits they carry. none of this stops him from wanting to know. ]
[ when he figures himself out. when it’s safer for embry to be around him. when the thought of that distraught, repulsed expression on embry’s face at the pound no longer chokes out his every desire. ]
oh it’s what fucked me in the first place i wasn’t like fourteen and running with the wrong crowd or whatever it was just a car accident i don’t know if they gave me too much at the hospital or if i’m just wired that way
[ if it was the first time he started to feel better at home. ]
ironically it’s still big in malaysia opiates i guess so it was easy to go back
[ an uneasy disquiet, followed by miserable anticipation, impossible to carve out now that it's there, now that bob has said it. i want. is he supposed to say no? put the wounded disappointment back on his face? put him further and further away from being invited back into the circle of unexplained trust that allowed him to ever touch bob in the first place? ]
I want you to. I didn't mean that you shouldn't do anything. It's just what you want doesn't have to be perfect. If you ask, I'm going to want it anyway.
[ i'll never be perfect for you. not when he's made for insufficiency, for regret. but it doesn't stop him from wanting. ]
Just a car accident? That's fucked up. I can name twelve people off the bat that deserved that more than you.
[ imagining bob already in the hell his dad created for him, then this. what was embry doing at fourteen? fucking around at boarding school, discovering how much he liked the feel of a warm body on his. his anger burns, pointed at nothing tangible. still, he wants to know everything — even if the idea of bob uncovering the same for him makes him want to pull back. nothing fair about the exchange. does he really have to give to get? bob might give him what he asks for nothing in return. and what kind of man would that make you? ]
So are you immune to hard drugs now or is it the opposite? One hit and you can fly?
okay i’ll keep that in mind but i still wanna do it right
[ no matter how easy embry says he is.
a beat, then, in which he thinks no fourteen year old deserves that. or any adult, for that matter. but he knows what embry means by it. the roundabout way he expresses care, sometimes. wanting to hold his hand and knock his dad’s lights out at the same time. ]
1. i can already fly 2. dunno haven’t uh tried anything obviously alcohol barely hits though plus me jake and adrian figured out i gotta do like quadruple of those horny candies for me to keep up so
[ yes, he is describing a frat hazing situation (positive). ]
[ combating his tenderness with horniness, because one of them is easier to take. because the idea that bob would spend more than a moment thinking about what embry might want puts a strange pressure in his throat. ]
Is there anything you can't do? You're the perfect amount of horny already. I mean, unless you really wanted to be jetting your rainbow sperm everywhere (on Jake and Adrian). In that case, you should've taken pictures for posterity.
[ not jealousy, per se. he's happy that bob has no shortage of friends here. more like — a little sting, if only for the reminder that he shouldn't be within a hundred feet of jake seresin, as an extension of ani (as opposed to being his own person, which he may or may not be). ]
Well, since you mentioned it, you could be hornier. Do you want me to spank you again?
[ ok, fucking great. bob wants to talk talk, and unfortunately he hasn't figured out how to begrudge him anything yet. ]
I like sex and I like parties. I'm a recreational dabbler of drugs, too.
[ as in he loves to be blitzed out of his mind to stop the unbearable want in his chest that ash put there years ago. then — ]
I don't know why I got in the ring. It was stupid. If you hadn't gotten me out I would've just let it happen, and that would've hurt Ash and Greer. So I owe you, for sparing them that. I want to make it up to you, but I feel like I fucked things up with you, too.
yeah i thought it was pretty obvious i was into that
[ from coming all over himself, crying a little (positive), and kissing embry like 50 times after. ]
the ring’s a way to feel something, right? i know you think you deserve whatever bad stuff happens to you bucky’s the same i don’t think it’s crazy even though it was pretty stupid
[ bob has been doing stupid things his entire life. no judgment. ]
you didn’t fuck it up i mean i don’t think either of us did great but most of it is because i have to figure out how to handle this stuff while we’re stuck here bucky’s gonna start training me if you wanna watch
[ thinking about the first half of this conversation and adjusting. ]
[ thinking. he thought maybe all of that was just a byproduct of the emotions running high at the commune, something to be left where it was no matter how many times he personally revisited the memory himself. sure, bob came like a shot, fucking gorgeous all reddened and writhing and apple-sweet, but it was — reckless. dangerously so. worse, because it'd been embry's hands he'd trusted his pain to. ]
That was fucked up. It was too rough. I should've talked to you first. Before you were already in front of me. Looking like that.
[ bob came to him, so needy and wanting. never mind that embry told him to. ]
I could have just jerked off twenty times to feel something.
[ is that why ash fell for bucky? because they're both damaged? he has to push the thought away, knowing it will go nowhere. ]
Sounds like you're asking me out, Bobby. I'm sure that won't be weird at all. To watch you and Bucky together.
I do want to see you. All the parts of you. You have to let me clean you up after, though.
[ bob thinks, we were both out of it, even if embry’s role gave him the power. i came to you twice, baiting him on the phone and showing up halfway-wrecked at his door. i liked it rough, especially knowing that it should be impossible, now that he’s something more than human. i would have let you do worse.
instead, ]
like what?
[ why not take a page out of embry’s book and choose the horny option, for once. ]
sure might help with what happened [ at the pound, on both sides. ] might give you something to jerk off to twenty times
[ either works.
the messages that follow, though — whew. all the parts of him, when his supposed best made embry shatter. when his worst held down the alpha they were all so afraid of and made him beholden to the dark. ]
i don’t even bruise anymore, embry but you can double check
Like you were the one who'd jerked off twenty times knowing you couldn't come. Like you were asking for something even though I was the one who was supposed to punish you and you shouldn't have wanted anything from me. Like you'd never felt pain before that didn't hurt you the way your dad did. You were just looking at me. I wanted to make you mine, but I couldn't, so I just gave you what I could instead. Which we've already established was fucked up, but you were so Good at it.
[ holy fuck he wishes the floor would open up and swallow him alive so he could just die. ]
Well, the idea is that I would blow you in the shower. But if you really want to play doctor, we can do that too.
jesus yeah that that’s how it felt. you were in my head, man. i was asking for it. dreaming about it. i would have bothered you until you gave in, if you hadn’t told me i could come to you. nobody else was gonna take care of me. even if they tried, it wouldn’t have been right.
[ because it’s true. because his connections with others seem to twist embry up a little. ]
i hated being a tender for everybody else. i wanted to be yours. and i was so worried i’d want you less after, or when we left. but i didn’t. i don’t.
[ they created that fucked up encounter together, the same as the mess of the pound. supposedly never to be repeated, and yet — ]
blow me in the shower next time. can i come see you? we can pretend it’s like it was before or is that too fucked up? we can do something different i just really want to kiss you now
[ message after message of bob reeling him in and embry struggling to find reasons to say no. well — he has reasons, enough to fill the goddamn pacific, but none that bob will listen to. he's like ash. doesn't fucking listen when embry tries to tell him he's bad, this is bad, they shouldn't. i wanted to be yours. yours yours yours. every possessive cell in embry's body flares at that.
he doesn't even bruise. they can't. it's different, everything is different, bob is different. they can't pretend at anything. but bob wanted to keep wanting him, and still does want him, and fuck if that doesn't tear a hole in everything he's trying to keep together. ]
Yes. Do you trust me? Actually, don't answer that. The door's open.
[ this isn't how he'd intended his late night inquiry about greer to end up, but it feels like far longer than the scant few weeks since he's touched bob, suddenly wondering how long he realistically could have expected to hold out. the moment he hears the snick of the door, he's shutting it tight behind him and pushing bob against it, both hands cradling his face as he kisses him long and hard, breathing in his sun-drenched skin and licking his eager lips before tonguing into his mouth. he knocks bob's legs open with his knee, giving him one hard grind before he's pulling back completely, slowly putting distance between them, corralling his wildly beating heart.
his eyes flicker over bob, his dark eyes — still bob — his wet mouth, the rise and fall of his chest. he points to the space in front of him. ]
Come here. [ softly commanding. his lungs pool with lust, crawling up his throat with every breath. ] Take off your clothes.
Edited (wait i needed a proper subject) 2025-12-06 19:14 (UTC)
[ no answer, when bob has already slipped through his door and into the dark of the hall. a quick and purposeful stride to the room he knows to be embry’s — his familiar heartbeat behind the wood, a tempo bob now has memorised like a favourite song. he waits a singular, agonising beat before opening the door, conscious of the strength coiled in his arm when he twists the handle. you have to be careful with him, you have to, you can’t hurt him, not again —
— gone with a burst of static, seconds lost to the bliss of embry flush against him. wanting him, just as badly as bob wants and wants and wants. hands flying to his hair, hips hitching to meet that grind. he looses a gasp into embry’s mouth. nips his lower lip when he tries to pull away. gives in, then, with his head tipped back against the wood, throat bared. letting embry look and wondering what he sees, with his perception tinted rosy by attraction. unable to spot the darkness encroaching on bob’s person, but all too aware of the other side of the coin, catching the light.
his mouth hooks to one side, even so. tongue pressing into his cheek in a final moment of consideration. ]
You taking yours off this time?
[ a question, not a demand, when bob tends to match whatever tone his partner sets. he tugs his sweatshirt overhead, hair hopelessly ruffled in the aftermath of the motion, then thumbs the waistband of his flannel pyjama pants. unable to stop himself from sneaking a look at embry as he steps into his space. dragging up his dishevelled person. checking in more than performing. whatever he sees answers the question embry thought better of asking. a decision made. i trust you.
and even without the euphoria that chased any act of obedience in the commune, bob feels his pulse stutter and skip. heat blooming on bare skin, a flush that starts at his heart-centre and daggers upward. always a little strange, to display the body he has now, which people seem so enamoured with, when it was carved in a lab. not quite his own, sometimes as foreign as the power bottled in his bloodstream.
but it runs like a dream, right? without the haze of the morphine or the commune. no ache in his knees on the floor, no bruises or bites from anyone he’s been with for embry to see. he cards a hand back through his hair to clear it from his face, head tipped into his shoulder, peering up at embry on an angle. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[ except he’s sure embry would rather cry and throw up again than tell someone they’re — whatever they are. ]
not really no
seems pretty obvious she’s in another league
and that all three of you are fucking bucky now
so
[ that’s a lot, and he’s not sure what to make of it outside of, generally speaking, being happy whatever wound bucky had from his time with ash (and cap) has closed. ]
no subject
Did Bucky tell you that?
It was once. I get why my conquests are a hot topic of conversation, though.
no subject
figured it was why you made the cut for the groupchat
[ seeing as usually in the matter of embry, bucky gets the same mildly irritated look he does about walker. like, some guys are just designed in labs to annoy him. ]
kinda seems like you're way more interested in my "conquests" anyway
which i regret typing already
man that's gross
no subject
I am. You and Greer.
Or other people? You don't text me every night.
Who're you thinking about? Or should I say, who did you last jerk off to?
no subject
somebody told me i should
[ you. dumbass. ]
not with greer
sometimes with other people
but i can say you, if that's what we're doing, prince charming
i liked the note
no subject
[ very casually asking: are the nights still as bad as that one? did you only think about needing me or do you not need me at all?
other people. he resists the urge to respond with who? ]
You can say that if it's true.
Or even if it's not true. I still like to hear it.
Good. I liked watching you sleep. Even if you mumbled my name 20 times and made it super weird.
[ what is the truth ]
no subject
one good night gets me through a couple not so good ones y’know
[ sleep debt and stuff, except he’s taking out loans. or advances, maybe. clocking a full 10 with embry and managing scant hours in the subsequent days. letting bucky stay over, a white wolf curled in his bed. and leveraging that to waste twilight rethinking and overthinking. had to go and pick a fight with the old avengers. still not brave enough to let armand peel back the shadowy scar tissue of your memory and set yourself right, for everyone’s sakes. unable to see through a kiss requested and owed, on account of thinking it might be unwanted in the light of day.
round and round and round, we go. ]
okay 20 is crazy
i’ll give you four
you were talking of course i was thinking about you
like i was thinking about you the last time
true
[ not false. happy? ]
no subject
I used to hate the parts of night that were quiet. I was obviously busy getting my hands on other like-minded individuals, but when I wasn't... when everything wore off, those were the parts I hated.
[ the time where he'd pick apart every bad decision, absolutely no fucking shortage of them. when his demons dropped in for their nightly chat.
but that was years ago. he is, obviously, better now. ]
You were dreaming about me? [ a flurry of typing for a good minute, which only yields an obnoxious string of the kissing emoji. ] I was sure you'd be dreaming about Hamlet bitching about his dead father.
You were dead asleep. You couldn't hear me.
no subject
yeah i think it’s similar for me
feeling it more alone i mean
[ less the guilt over seeking connection, which is one of the only things he doesn’t regret. ]
don’t really remember what it was about
i just know you were there
so it was nice
[ like the two things are connected, cause and effect. it was nice because you were there. ]
no subject
What did they look like?
Your typical nights. Before you volunteered for your thing.
And then after.
[ oh. a warmth he doesn't deserve. embry doesn't make things nicer. he makes them worse, by virtue of existing. ]
It was nice for me too.
You should ask me again. If you want.
[ because bob doesn't really make first moves, unless embry tells him to, and then it doesn't count anymore. (not always true, because bob came to find him in the woods, and that was arguably a bigger move than anything embry has ever done for him.) ]
cw refs to drug use, addiction
i want to
i think about asking you a lot
which isn’t the same as asking, i know
[ isn’t good enough, when he’s the one who asked embry to see him in the daylight. that would be safer, surely, in accordance with the rules of nightmares. the darkness recedes then, even if it never vanishes. ]
but i also don’t know what i’m asking for
[ he liked embry just being there. he liked what they did at the commune. he liked having somebody to call, and say i fucked up again to, who could probably say well, i fucked up more right back.
embry’s life here has the potential to be perfect, though, away from the death of the games and loss lurking back home.
that perfect version doesn’t have room for somebody like bob. the last time he tried to help embry, he only made things worse. (except embry had been up then and is up now, has been sleepwalking into danger and staring at photos of his own corpse, so he seems as fucked up about everything as bob is, when everyone else keeps telling him get over it, all while he’s bleeding out —) ]
before my thing?
i was back on morphine
so
different vibe
no subject
It's not the same, but I also like when you think about me.
You don't have to do anything, Bobby. What you're doing is enough.
Well, I do have a list of things that you shouldn't do, but you haven't hit any of them yet.
[ because he also doesn't know what he's asking for, what he wants, what any of this is. he only knows that he'll feel its loss when he loses it. when bob sees him for what he really is. some people have already caught on. ani. jem. danny fucking johnson. someone like bob doesn't deserve to be a casualty in the catastrophe he's made of his life — not like he's made ash. ]
Why morphine?
[ it feels invasive to ask, when he knows people don't get hooked on morphine for much other than pain. an easy vice to find in the military, when corpses have no use for the auto-injectors in the first aid kits they carry. none of this stops him from wanting to know. ]
no subject
i want to though
[ when he figures himself out. when it’s safer for embry to be around him. when the thought of that distraught, repulsed expression on embry’s face at the pound no longer chokes out his every desire. ]
oh
it’s what fucked me in the first place
i wasn’t like fourteen and running with the wrong crowd or whatever
it was just a car accident
i don’t know if they gave me too much at the hospital or if i’m just wired that way
[ if it was the first time he started to feel better at home. ]
ironically it’s still big in malaysia
opiates i guess
so it was easy to go back
no subject
I want you to. I didn't mean that you shouldn't do anything.
It's just what you want doesn't have to be perfect. If you ask, I'm going to want it anyway.
[ i'll never be perfect for you. not when he's made for insufficiency, for regret. but it doesn't stop him from wanting. ]
Just a car accident? That's fucked up.
I can name twelve people off the bat that deserved that more than you.
[ imagining bob already in the hell his dad created for him, then this. what was embry doing at fourteen? fucking around at boarding school, discovering how much he liked the feel of a warm body on his. his anger burns, pointed at nothing tangible. still, he wants to know everything — even if the idea of bob uncovering the same for him makes him want to pull back. nothing fair about the exchange. does he really have to give to get? bob might give him what he asks for nothing in return. and what kind of man would that make you? ]
So are you immune to hard drugs now or is it the opposite? One hit and you can fly?
no subject
i’ll keep that in mind
but i still wanna do it right
[ no matter how easy embry says he is.
a beat, then, in which he thinks no fourteen year old deserves that. or any adult, for that matter. but he knows what embry means by it. the roundabout way he expresses care, sometimes. wanting to hold his hand and knock his dad’s lights out at the same time. ]
1. i can already fly
2. dunno
haven’t uh
tried anything
obviously
alcohol barely hits though
plus me jake and adrian figured out i gotta do like quadruple of those horny candies for me to keep up
so
[ yes, he is describing a frat hazing situation (positive). ]
no subject
Have you been thinking about that?
[ combating his tenderness with horniness, because one of them is easier to take. because the idea that bob would spend more than a moment thinking about what embry might want puts a strange pressure in his throat. ]
Is there anything you can't do?
You're the perfect amount of horny already. I mean, unless you really wanted to be jetting your rainbow sperm everywhere (on Jake and Adrian).
In that case, you should've taken pictures for posterity.
[ not jealousy, per se. he's happy that bob has no shortage of friends here. more like — a little sting, if only for the reminder that he shouldn't be within a hundred feet of jake seresin, as an extension of ani (as opposed to being his own person, which he may or may not be). ]
no subject
that too
[ dumbass. ]
i feel like you have definitely said you think i should be hornier
do you like all that stuff?
the sex parties they throw here i mean
the drugs they push
i only saw you at the pound
[ which we are brave enough to revisit via text. ]
no subject
Well, since you mentioned it, you could be hornier. Do you want me to spank you again?
[ ok, fucking great. bob wants to talk talk, and unfortunately he hasn't figured out how to begrudge him anything yet. ]
I like sex and I like parties. I'm a recreational dabbler of drugs, too.
[ as in he loves to be blitzed out of his mind to stop the unbearable want in his chest that ash put there years ago. then — ]
I don't know why I got in the ring. It was stupid.
If you hadn't gotten me out I would've just let it happen, and that would've hurt Ash and Greer. So I owe you, for sparing them that.
I want to make it up to you, but I feel like I fucked things up with you, too.
no subject
i thought it was pretty obvious i was into that
[ from coming all over himself, crying a little (positive), and kissing embry like 50 times after. ]
the ring’s a way to feel something, right?
i know you think you deserve whatever bad stuff happens to you
bucky’s the same
i don’t think it’s crazy
even though it was pretty stupid
[ bob has been doing stupid things his entire life. no judgment. ]
you didn’t fuck it up
i mean i don’t think either of us did great
but most of it is because i have to figure out how to handle this stuff while we’re stuck here
bucky’s gonna start training me
if you wanna watch
[ thinking about the first half of this conversation and adjusting. ]
i want you to come watch some time i mean
no subject
That was fucked up. It was too rough.
I should've talked to you first. Before you were already in front of me. Looking like that.
[ bob came to him, so needy and wanting. never mind that embry told him to. ]
I could have just jerked off twenty times to feel something.
[ is that why ash fell for bucky? because they're both damaged? he has to push the thought away, knowing it will go nowhere. ]
Sounds like you're asking me out, Bobby.
I'm sure that won't be weird at all. To watch you and Bucky together.
I do want to see you. All the parts of you.
You have to let me clean you up after, though.
no subject
instead, ]
like what?
[ why not take a page out of embry’s book and choose the horny option, for once. ]
sure
might help with what happened [ at the pound, on both sides. ]
might give you something to jerk off to twenty times
[ either works.
the messages that follow, though — whew. all the parts of him, when his supposed best made embry shatter. when his worst held down the alpha they were all so afraid of and made him beholden to the dark. ]
i don’t even bruise anymore, embry
but you can double check
no subject
Like you were the one who'd jerked off twenty times knowing you couldn't come. Like you were asking for something even though I was the one who was supposed to punish you and you shouldn't have wanted anything from me. Like you'd never felt pain before that didn't hurt you the way your dad did.
You were just looking at me. I wanted to make you mine, but I couldn't, so I just gave you what I could instead.
Which we've already established was fucked up, but you were so
Good at it.
[ holy fuck he wishes the floor would open up and swallow him alive so he could just die. ]
Well, the idea is that I would blow you in the shower. But if you really want to play doctor, we can do that too.
no subject
jesus
yeah
that
that’s how it felt.
you were in my head, man. i was asking for it. dreaming about it. i would have bothered you until you gave in, if you hadn’t told me i could come to you. nobody else was gonna take care of me. even if they tried, it wouldn’t have been right.
[ because it’s true. because his connections with others seem to twist embry up a little. ]
i hated being a tender for everybody else. i wanted to be yours.
and i was so worried i’d want you less after, or when we left.
but i didn’t. i don’t.
[ they created that fucked up encounter together, the same as the mess of the pound. supposedly never to be repeated, and yet — ]
blow me in the shower next time.
can i come see you?
we can pretend it’s like it was before
or is that too fucked up?
we can do something different
i just really want to kiss you now
→ action.
he doesn't even bruise. they can't. it's different, everything is different, bob is different. they can't pretend at anything. but bob wanted to keep wanting him, and still does want him, and fuck if that doesn't tear a hole in everything he's trying to keep together. ]
Yes.
Do you trust me?
Actually, don't answer that. The door's open.
[ this isn't how he'd intended his late night inquiry about greer to end up, but it feels like far longer than the scant few weeks since he's touched bob, suddenly wondering how long he realistically could have expected to hold out. the moment he hears the snick of the door, he's shutting it tight behind him and pushing bob against it, both hands cradling his face as he kisses him long and hard, breathing in his sun-drenched skin and licking his eager lips before tonguing into his mouth. he knocks bob's legs open with his knee, giving him one hard grind before he's pulling back completely, slowly putting distance between them, corralling his wildly beating heart.
his eyes flicker over bob, his dark eyes — still bob — his wet mouth, the rise and fall of his chest. he points to the space in front of him. ]
Come here. [ softly commanding. his lungs pool with lust, crawling up his throat with every breath. ] Take off your clothes.
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— gone with a burst of static, seconds lost to the bliss of embry flush against him. wanting him, just as badly as bob wants and wants and wants. hands flying to his hair, hips hitching to meet that grind. he looses a gasp into embry’s mouth. nips his lower lip when he tries to pull away. gives in, then, with his head tipped back against the wood, throat bared. letting embry look and wondering what he sees, with his perception tinted rosy by attraction. unable to spot the darkness encroaching on bob’s person, but all too aware of the other side of the coin, catching the light.
his mouth hooks to one side, even so. tongue pressing into his cheek in a final moment of consideration. ]
You taking yours off this time?
[ a question, not a demand, when bob tends to match whatever tone his partner sets. he tugs his sweatshirt overhead, hair hopelessly ruffled in the aftermath of the motion, then thumbs the waistband of his flannel pyjama pants. unable to stop himself from sneaking a look at embry as he steps into his space. dragging up his dishevelled person. checking in more than performing. whatever he sees answers the question embry thought better of asking. a decision made. i trust you.
and even without the euphoria that chased any act of obedience in the commune, bob feels his pulse stutter and skip. heat blooming on bare skin, a flush that starts at his heart-centre and daggers upward. always a little strange, to display the body he has now, which people seem so enamoured with, when it was carved in a lab. not quite his own, sometimes as foreign as the power bottled in his bloodstream.
but it runs like a dream, right? without the haze of the morphine or the commune. no ache in his knees on the floor, no bruises or bites from anyone he’s been with for embry to see. he cards a hand back through his hair to clear it from his face, head tipped into his shoulder, peering up at embry on an angle. ]
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cw mentions of assault
nsfw (lol)
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cw refs to drug abuse, sex under the influence
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