[ he doesn't know what's behind that cracked door, what could possibly be so bad that lives in him. he sits up in bed, running a hand down his face. ]
Listen. I asked. I wanted it. I wanted you. I've done a lot of that stuff before. Honestly, the kinds of things I've let people do to me are probably better left unsaid. But with you it was just different. I thought it would be like every other time I've been fucked up but it wasn't. And it's not because there's anything wrong with you. I don't know what it was. Or what's wrong with me. I'm sorry. I should've been able to do anything you wanted. That's what was working for us, and I didn't hold up my end, and I'm sorry for that. I guess that's it.
[ the longest pause yet, broken by attempts at typing several responses.
finally, ]
i don’t need you to do anything i want or want you to which kind of doesn’t make sense now that i’m looking at it
[ “i don’t want you to want to do what i want.” sure. ]
i just wanted you to want me i thought you did even when i showed up at your cabin like a total wreck that’s what worked for me everything else was like a bonus
except for the barfing and crying but that’s just cause i don’t want to see you hurt, man
[ his heart kicks up a protest, that he shouldn't agree to anything, that whatever fundamentally broken thing inside of him fucked this up in the first place will inevitably do it again. do you really want to see bob looking at you like that again? it's a wonder, a testament to bob's character that he even wants to associate with embry at all after this, but that doesn't mean he's right for doing so. ]
Sure. Yes.
Go to sleep, Bobby. Or hurry up and get on that booty call. People don't like to be woken up in the middle of the night.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Listen. I asked. I wanted it. I wanted you.
I've done a lot of that stuff before. Honestly, the kinds of things I've let people do to me are probably better left unsaid.
But with you it was just different. I thought it would be like every other time I've been fucked up but it wasn't. And it's not because there's anything wrong with you.
I don't know what it was. Or what's wrong with me.
I'm sorry. I should've been able to do anything you wanted. That's what was working for us, and I didn't hold up my end, and I'm sorry for that.
I guess that's it.
no subject
finally, ]
i don’t need you to do anything i want
or want you to
which kind of doesn’t make sense now that i’m looking at it
[ “i don’t want you to want to do what i want.” sure. ]
i just wanted you to want me
i thought you did
even when i showed up at your cabin like a total wreck
that’s what worked for me
everything else was like
a bonus
except for the barfing and crying
but that’s just cause i don’t want to see you hurt, man
no subject
You can refer to it as "mind-blowing" or "life-changing."
I do want you. I think maybe
Maybe it'll take longer for you to do the things to me that I do to you.
If you could forget the barfing and crying ever happened, that would be great. That was a version of me that hadn't blacked out a bunch of stuff yet.
no subject
okay
i’ll try to blackout on purpose instead of on accident for once
and we’ll figure out the rest together?
no subject
Sure.
Yes.
Go to sleep, Bobby. Or hurry up and get on that booty call. People don't like to be woken up in the middle of the night.
no subject
night, embry